Giving Thanks
This is a time of year when we are frequently encouraged to give thanks for our blessings. Expressing gratitude, however, can take practice. If you haven’t been connecting with a sense of gratitude for a while, you might feel a little rusty. You may need to start by noticing the basics. If you’re having trouble coming up with things to be grateful for, start small. Can you walk? Can you talk? Can you read? Can you eat? You might expand from there to include gratitude for your home, pets, food, and people in your life. Can you appreciate these things despite their imperfections? What is it you appreciate about them?
The more we practice gratitude, the more we notice what we have to be grateful for. It can help us shift our attention to what matters. Over the past several months there has been construction on the road that I drive to my office. The construction crew is working hard to install a sidewalk that will help people walk safely from town to a beach on the outskirts of town. Whenever I feel frustrated about having to stop and drive through the construction zone, I imagine the joy of kids riding their bikes from town out to the beach on a summer afternoon. I am thankful that they will have a safe sidewalk to bike on instead of trying to navigate the gravel shoulders of a busy road. I am grateful to live in a community where the roads are maintained and sidewalks are installed to keep pedestrians safe. Connecting with my gratitude makes the inconvenience of a construction zone seem trivial.
In addition to helping us shift our focus to what matters, a practice of gratitude can help us extend our appreciation for the positive things in our life. Dr. Robert Emmon’s is considered an expert on gratitude. He writes:
Research on positive emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. Our emotional systems like newness. They like novelty. They like change. We adapt to positive life circumstances so that before too long, the new car, the new spouse, the new house - they don’t feel so new and exciting anymore.
But gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something, and when we appreciate the value of something, we extract more benefits from it; we’re less likely to take it for granted.
In effect, I think gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life. Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend so much time watching things - movies, computer screens, sports - but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.
Being a greater participant in my life sounds like reason enough to practice gratitude. In addition to that, the research is pretty clear that practicing gratitude has multiple benefits for both our physical and mental health. Studies consistently show that people who practice gratitude report feeling more optimistic and better about their lives. They also tend to exercise more and have fewer visits to physicians. Couple’s who express gratitude to each other feel more positive towards their partner and are more likely to feel comfortable expressing concerns to each other.
Practicing gratitude can feel a little contrived at first but like all skills, it gets easier with time. Some options to help get you started include keeping a gratitude journal, writing thank you notes, naming a few things you are grateful for before dinner, or giving thanks during prayer or meditation.
Although a gratitude practice can have emotional benefits, it is not a panacea for serious mental health issues. If you find that despite your best efforts you are having trouble recognizing things to be grateful for in your life, this could be a sign that you might benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are already working with someone, you might enlist their help in supporting your desire to practice more gratitude. Having a supportive person in your life as you work on this skill can be very helpful.
Setting an intention to practice gratitude, planning how you will practice, and enlisting help from others are all very powerful steps you can take towards connecting with more gratitude in your life. The more you practice, the more others around you will also benefit from your practice and be more likely to connect with gratitude in their lives. On a recent drive through that construction zone, my son moaned as we pulled to a stop. “But just imagine this summer”, I told him, “when the kids in town can ride their bikes to the beach. Won’t that be great?” For a brief moment, I felt like we both were visualizing the near future, and it brought us joy.
Here is an intention from Sharon Salzburg to help get you started:
I will focus on all I have to be grateful for and allow my heart to feel content and full. I will be thankful for the love in my life.
Resources:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
Robert Emmons, “Why Gratitude is Good”, Greater Good Magazine: Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life, November 16, 2010.
Sharon Salzburg, “Thriving as an Empath”, 2019.
